Mario Kart A-Z
by Thegeniusyoshi
Summary: Funny Mario Kart related things from A to Z. Please help me come up with things for different letters! And also, no things that COULD happen, but things that are already IN Mario Kart. And no character suggestions either.
1. A

A is for Acceleration:

Its a big day at Choco Mountain. Not only are they giving away free Choco Mountain chocolate, but there is also a race! But there is a problem.

Luigi: "How do I accelerate?"

(Awkward silence.)

Luigi: "Please tell me how to accelerate."

(Awkward silence.)

Luigi: "HOW DO I ACCELERATE?"

(Waluigi comes over and puts some tape on the words above a gas pedal.)

Waluigi: "Just look here."

(Waluigi points at a gas pedal.)

Luigi: "Gee, thanks!"

(Waluigi walks back to his kart.)

The words above the pedal read:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Acceleration.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(Note: The Xs are tape.)

Lakitu: "3, 2, 1, GO!"

Luigi floors he pedal, and in less than a second, he's off the mountain.

The tape peels off, and now the words read:

Experimental Ultra Light-speed Acceleration.

DO NOT PRESS UNTIL FURTHER EXPERIMENTATION!

Luigi: "Oh no."

The kart keeps going. In 2 seconds, its halfway around the world. In 4 seconds, its been around the world.

Lakitu: "Lap 2!"

Luigi goes around the world again.

Lakitu: "Final lap!"

Luigi goes around the world once more.

Lakitu: "LUIGI WINS!"

(Luigi's kart runs out of gas.)

Luigi: "What happened?"

Mario: "What do you mean 'What happened?'! You won the race!"

Waluigi: "WHAT!"

Luigi: "Thanks Waluigi!"


	2. B

B is for Backwards:

Toads factory is a highly sophisticated factory. It is always busy. Except for today, because a race is being held here. Everyone but Toad is facing the right way.

Toad: "Why is everyone facing backwards?"

Wario: "Becaue we want you to win!"

Toad: "Oh. Thanks!"

Lakitu: "3, 2, 1, GO!"

Everyone starts going, but Toad is going the wrong way!

Lakitu: "Turn around!"

Toad: "No way! Im winning!"

Toad keeps going backwards.

Toad: "One lap left!"

Lakitu: "Are you sure about that?"

Toad: "Yes Im sure!"

Toad does one more lap.

Toad: "I won!"

Lakitu: "No you didn't. You just went around the track backwards 3 times."

Toad: "WHAT?!"

Toad: "But Wario said I was going the right way!"

Lakitu: "He must have been lying."

Lakitu: "Here's a trophy for your effort."

Toad: "Thanks!"


	3. C

C is for Cheating:

Its a nice sunny day at Coconut Mall. The mall is the busiest mall in the Mushroom Kingdom. Except for today. Because today a race is being held here!

Wario: "{Thinking: Im going to win by cheating!}"

Lakitu: "3, 2, 1, GO!"

Wario starts out the race normally. But after the first escalator, he drives right through some cones sectioning off a prohibited area and into a shop where hundreds of spectators are watching.

All of the spectators: "HELP!"

Wario keeps on driving. He breaks the wall and drives out of the hole onto a parked car and destroys it.

Guy who owns the car: "MY CAR!"

Wario drives straight through lines of spectators to get to the finish.

Spectators: "HELP!"

Wario crosses the finish line with a time of 15 seconds.

Lakitu: "Lap 2! {Thinking: How did he finish a lap with a time of only 15 seconds!?}"

Wario keeps on driving. He goes back into the mall and drives straight through the same shop and onto the same car and through the same spectators.

Except this time he keeps throwing bob-ombs behind himself to go faster.

Everyone who was near Wario: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! BOB-OMBS!"

Wario finished this lap in 5 seconds.

Lakitu: "Lap 3! {Thinking: He mst be cheating. I should follow him.}"

Wario does the exact same thing as in lap 2, unaware that Lakitu is following him.

Except this time, instead of bob-ombs, he throws bananzi bills at everyone he sees.

Everyone except Wario and Lakitu: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! BANANZI BILLS!"

Wario finishes the last lap.

Wario: "I won! Now give me my trophy."

Lakitu: "You cheated. So you don't get anything."

Wario: "WHAT!?"

Lakitu: "And you have to pay for all the damage you did."


	4. D

D is for Drifting:

Yoshi falls is a nice, sunny, tourist-friendly place. The sun is always shining, the water is refreshing, and the view of the giant yoshi egg is just breathtaking. Today, Yoshi falls is also spectator-friendly. Because today a race is being held here.

Lakitu: "3, 2, 1, GO!"

Everyone drives forward. At the first turn, everyone drifts through it. Well, ALMOST everyone.

Daisy: "What are you all doing?"

Peach: "Drifting."

Daisy: "How do I do that?"

Peach: "Just jump and slide."

Daisy: "Ok. Thanks!"

Daisy jumps and slides... right into the giant yoshi egg.

CRACK!

The egg cracks. A giant yoshi comes out.

Giant yoshi: "Yoshi!"

Daisy: "Hi I'm Daisy!"

Daisy was drifting uncontrollably on the giant Yoshi's back.

The giant yoshi hops onto the track, and Daisy falls off.

Daisy: "HELP!"

CRASH!

Daisy falls right onto the finish line, still drifting.

Lakitu: "Lap 2!"

The giant Yoshi eats Daisy, then spits her back out, still drifting.

Lakitu: "Final lap!"

The kart stops drifting and starts zooming.

Daisy: "HELP! WHY AM I GOING SO FAST!"

Peach (Still on the first lap): "When you stop drifting, you get a speed boost. The size of the speed boost depends on how long you were drifting."

Daisy zooms back around to the finsh line.

Lakitu: "Daisy Wins!"

Daisy: "Yay!"


	5. E

E is for Engine:

Its daytime in Moo Moo Meadows. The sun is shining, the cows are mooing, and the race is starting.

Waluigi: "{Thinking: Hmm, I wonder if I put this Mach 6 jet engine in here, I would go faster. Well, only one way to find out!}"

Waluigi replaces the engine in his kart with the Mach 6 jet engine.

Lakitu: "3, 2, 1, GO!"

Waluigi starts his engine, and incinerates Dry Bones. He goes around the track in less than a second, incinerating the bleachers, half the grass, a sign that says: (Buy Luigi's Tires! Not Waluigi's tires!), and several Monty moles in the process.

Waluigi: "HELP!"

Lakitu: "Lap 2!"

Before that reaches Waluigi's ears, a loud BOOM emanates from the kart as the result of the sound barrier not being broken, but SHATTERED.

Lakitu: "Final Lap!"

Waluigi starts to feel compressed. Then he feels himself getting pushed inside the seat.

Lakitu: "Waluigi wins!"

Waluigi stops the engine and runs to Lakitu.

Waluigi: "Give me my trophy!"

Lakitu: "You didn't win the race. You won a competition for the fastest speed achieved with a kart that's held in Delfino Island."


	6. F

F is for Fire Flower

Its a nice, sunny day at Sweet, Sweet Canyon. The chocolate grass is brown, the doughnut caves are sparkling, the liquid sugar rivers are warm, and the racers are gunning their engines.

Bowser: "I'm gonna win this!"

Lakitu: "3, 2, 1, GO!"

Bowser drives straight through the first item box and gets a fire flower.

PWWET!

A fireball hits the chocolate grass and turns it into an ugly black smelly gas.

PWWET!

A fireball incinerates the doughnut caves.

PWWET!

A fireball makes the sugar river into a giant jawbreaker.

PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET! PWWET!

Bowser shoots fireballs a everyone and everything in sight.

Bowser: "I win! Now give me my trophy!"

Lakitu: "There is no trophy. You incinerated it."

Bowser: "WHAT!?"

Lakitu: "And you have to pay for all the destruction and medical bills."


	7. G

G is for Gravity:

It is a sunny day at Mushroom Gorge. This place is a popular tourist attraction. The mushrooms here are huge and bouncy, and you are allowed to bounce on them. Today, though, there isn't a tourist within miles, but the bleachers are filled with spectators for the upcoming race.

Lakitu: "3, 2, 1, GO!"

All 12 racers start driving. At the first turn after the gravity panel, only 11 racers seem to be racing. The 12th, Rosalina, is experimenting with the gravity panel.

Rosalina: "{Thinking: I wonder if I went over this panel 10 times, I would be floating in my kart above the track.}"

Rosalina drives over the gravity panel 10 times. Then her kart stars to go up.

Rosalina: "{Thinking: I knew it!}"

But the kart doesn't stop going up. It keeps going and going and going, until...

CRASH!

The kart (With Rosalina in it.) crashes into the roof of the cave. Then the kart starts to go out of control.

Rosalina: "HELP!"

The kart heads toward a green mushroom, bounces off towards a red one, finishes the first lap, and heads back towards the cave roof.

Lakitu: "Lap 2!"

The same thing happens again.

Lakitu: "Final lap!"

And again.

Except this time, instead of repeating the cycle, Rosalina falls out of her kart just after the finish line.

Rosalina: "HELP!"

Rosalina falls onto a red mushroom and bounces safely onto solid ground.

Rosalina: "What happened?"

Lakitu: "Daisy wins!"

Rosalina: "Yay!"


	8. H

H is for Hang Gliding:

It's always a relaxng and breathtaking view from rainbow road. It's a different perspective as you look down at the world below from a rainbow pathway. Or you sometimes fall off, lik som racers wil probably do today.

Lakitu shouted "3, 2, 1, GO!"

Everyone sped off the starting line and headed towards the first turn, and through the tunnel. Then they shot through the launh str towards the first glide panel. They all landed back on the road and continued. Except for one.

Yoshi missed the road by an inch as a result of Bowser pushing him, sending Yoshi into a spinning spiral crash course with the ground.

"HELP!" Yoshi screamed as he tried to steer owardsa launch star under the track.

He made it in then... went into another hanglider spiral under the finish line.

Laktu recorded lap after lap after lap as Yoshi sun ou of the finish line then back in then out then in and out and in.

In less than 30 seconds Yoshi had done 100 laps. in a minute he did 1000. Yoshi started feeling sick.

As Lakitu recorded with amazement, everyone seemed to forget about one thing: Yoshi was going to crash.

Lakitu dropped the trophy off the course, hitting the alredy sick Yoshi, increasing his speed and therefore howsick he felt.

At the last second before he landed Yoshi managed to regain control of his hang glider, only to crash into Cool, Cool, Mountain, landing on the spiky points of the star trophy. On the bright side, he won!


	9. I

I is for Items:

It's always crazy at Baby Park. There's screaming, crying, laughing, and that yoshi helicopter. Today, though, there is a race going on, and there's going to be 100 laps.

Lakitu shouted " 3, 2, 1, GO!"

Bowser Jr. was the first one to get an item. It was an Extreme 43, which is like a crazy 8 or lucky 7, except it has a piranha plant, super horn, crazy 8, boomerang flower, gold shell (It's like a blue shell, but does it to everyone in front of you. So if you were in 12th place and you used it, everyone from 11th place to 1st place would be hit with an explosion like if they got it with a blue shell.), coin, bowser shell, chain chomp, feather, mushroom, banana, triple mushroom, golden mushroom, thunder cloud, boo, fake item box, heart, red fireball, green fireball, giant banana, green shell, green egg, pink egg, ice flower (Like a fire flower, but freezes anyone its iceballs hit for 2 seconds.), big coin, (Like a coin, but gives you 10 coins.), super leaf, blooper, gold blooper, (Covers everyone's (except for whoever used it) whole field of vision and the map, and lasts for 10 seconds.), gold flower (Like a fire flower, but causes whoever it hits to lose all their coins.), bob-omb, triple banana, triple green shell, red shell, triple red shell, pow block, star, thunderbolt, fire flower, blue shell, triple blue shell (Just what you think it is.), mega mushroom, and bullet bill. (And yes, those are all the Mario Kart items I know of, minus the gold shell, ice flower, big coin, gold flower, triple blue shell, and gold blooper. I made those ones up, as well as the extreme 43)

Bowser Jr. immediately used the coin and big coin, spammed the blue shells, (Causing Daisy (Who was in first place) to fly through the ceiling.) red shells, and eggs and the bowser shell and passed the thundercloud to the racer in front of him, (Causing baby Luigi to fly past the rollercoaster electrocuted.) used the gold shell, used the feather to jump over the middle, effectively skipping half a lap, spammed the green shells and fireballs and the leaf and the flowers minus the gold flower and used the piranha plant (Causing Link to end up with third degree burns and bite marks and be frozen in an ice cube at maple treeway. (Making Maple Treeway catch on fire.)), used the heart, used the bloopers, threw the bob-omb at the Lakitu who was recording the race, used the super horn WAY too many times (Causing Peach to temporarily go deaf.), spammed the bananas (Causing Donkey Kong to go crazy.), spammed the gold flower at the house of the richest toad ever, used the pow block, lightning bolt, used the lightning bolt and the last of the gold flower at Mario (Causing it to rain coins, and for Mario to be stuck in a crack in the ceiling.), used the star, used the bullet bill, used the chain chomp, used the mega mushroom, and used the boo (Getting another crazy 43.). He then repeated this process until he "won".

The result is no more baby park, Link is still stuck in that ice cube, Donkey kong is covered in bananas, Peach was kidnapped due to not being able to hear Bowser approaching her, baby Luigi is electrocuted and is stuck in an ocean, Maple Treeway is burned down, Daisy is stuck inside a cloud, no more Mario Kart TV, the richest toad ever is now homeless, Mario somehow got sent to Hyrule, and Bowser Jr was holding a trophy he didn't deserve.

And all because Bowser programmed the item blocks so Bowser Jr. always gets extreme 43s.


	10. J

J is for Jump

It is a big day at Sunshine Airport. There is a race in 2 minutes! But there is 1 small problem...

Peach asked, "How do I make the kart jump?"

Awkward silence.

Peach asked again, "How do I make the kart jump?"

Even more awkward silence.

Peach asked yet again, "How do I make the kart jump?"

The most awkward silence ever.

Peach asked one more time, "Can someone please tell me how to make the kart jump?"

Waluigi came over and put some tape over some words above a button, and more tape over a word above a second button.

Waluigi said, "Just look here," pointing to the first button.

Peach looked at it and said, "Thank you!"

The words above the first button read:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Jump

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(Author's Note: The Xs are still tape, and will keep being tape for the rest of the story.)

The word above the second button read:

XXXXX

Lakitu shouted, "3, 2, 1, GO!"

The race began normally, enough, until the first jump.

Peach pressed the jump button.

The kart shot through the roof of the airport.

The tape peeled off of the words. The first button now read:

Experimental Ultra Jump

For the next series of grand prix (Author's Note: In other words, Mario Kart 9.)

DO NOT PRESS UNTIL FURTHER TESTING

The word above the second button read:

Jump

Peach said, "Uh oh."

The kart kept going. Eventually, it slowed down, and started falling back down, and going in circles centered around the finish line, with each circle counting as a lap.

Peach landed right before the finish line on the third lap, and finished the race.

Lakitu shouted, "PEACH WINS!"

Peach yelled, "YAY!"

Waluigi screamed "NOT AGAIN!"


End file.
